Icelandic Researchers Name "The Mint" America's No. 1 Den of Sin, Salvation

Last Sunday, after walking with 25,000 others at the San Francisco AIDS Walk, someone came up with a brilliant plan to celebrate 'Lil Nik's rare San Francisco appearance with 6 1/2 hours of drinking in the foggy back yard of Zeitgeist. In all, I counted 5 pitchers of Steelhead Pale Ale, a number of spilled Chimays, and untold Jameson shots among the casualties. Bonobo Jones replayed his beer-lap-drenching fiasco about 20 times (at James' teary-eyed request) and we all debated the merits of Ben Davis (the "Harley Davidson of coarse clothing" according to the website) v. Dickies work pants. No end in sight for this one, but so far the Dickies seem to be rallying more support.

Things I learned on Sunday:

1. Óskar (our new Icelandic friend and official San Francisco tour guide) was once in a hip-hop band called "The Sweaty Janitors". They rubbed corn oil under their arm pits to simulate the unmistakable yellow stink that we in the U.S. refer to as "B.O."
2. Other things learned about Óskar. Height: Same now as he was when he was 13. Must be all that hákarl he ate as a youngster on the frozen tundra. Favorite NBA Player: Carl Malone-- "Because he played dirty without anybody catching him". Best celebrity face impersonation: Owen Wilson (the effect is only complete with the help of JBDub's spot-on Owen Wilson voice impersonation.
3. For several weeks in the late 1990s, John Barretto (hereafter: "Big Daddy Kane" ) was sighted traversing the verdant grounds of Cal Poly's campus with the assistance of his grandfather's jaunty cane (hereafter: "kane"). This bold display of gangsta-lean all at once inspired both the ire and the backhanded admiration of Cal Poly's underclassmen.
4. In a battle between monkeys with knives v. a mace encrusted with glass shards, the mace will probably win.
5. Unless your name starts with an Ó or you once walked with a cane, drinking for 6 1/2 hours does not a great singer make. The proof is below:

Óskar "Sweaty Janitor" Arnórsson singing Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes"
James and Stephanie sing Air Supply's #1 hit "All Out of Love"
"Big Daddy Kane" Barretto on the mic doing Prince's "Kiss
"Big Daddy Kane" Barretto and 'Lil Nik nail Laura Branigan's "Gloria"